be careful what you wish for
by Emeline Pigott
Summary: She still wasn't free. Song-fic to Evanesence's 'Farther Away'.


_**

* * *

**_

be careful what you wish for

**Disclaimers: Supernatural isn't mine, it never was and :cries: and it never will be. I'm also not the brillant, awesome, and completely fantabulous Amy Lee, and so no, the song used 'Farther Away' is also not mine.**

* * *

_I took their smiles and I made them mine._

Little girls are the easiest targets. So many of them are filled with so much hurt and pain, and '_no one, no one understands_' they're practically begging to give it away to the first to stop and listen.

Too bad no one told them to be careful what you wish for.

Abbie was one of her favorites. She was so filled with desperation and fear…she just wanted everything to end.

She was more than happy to give her happily ever after.

For a little while at least.

"I'll get rid of him for you." Lilith promised. "And it won't even cost you anything for ten whole years."

Ten years was a lifetime of forever.

_  
I sold my soul just to hide the light._

"It can be like this all the time. He won't hurt you anymore." Her promises were set in stone; she never ever lied to them. She always gave them what they wanted.

And after a little while, all of them gave in. Little Abbie was no different then the rest

Abbie nodded her head.

She always looked so sweet, gentle, and unassuming—they spent their time together, swinging; always testing the boundaries and seeing who could go higher.

They all trusted her.

"I just want it to stop."

And then those innocent eyes, brown or green or hazel—this time they were green with flecks of gold…

You don't ever forget what those eyes look like.

…those eyes flash to a startling blood red, and it's done.

_  
And now I see what I really am,  
A thief, a whore, and a liar._

"There's a lucrative market out there, a lot of money to be made."

"So you know the truth, about what it is that's really going on out there and this is what you choose to do with it? You become a thief?" Dean questioned.

_You have no idea what I am._

_She knew more about Dean Winchester—all of the Winchesters, than he could ever imagine—than he would ever know about her._

_No one would._

"I procure unique items for a select clientele." She corrected him easily.

"Yeah," He shrugged, what was the fucking difference? "A thief."

And apparently, a bitch.

"No." She smirked, "A _great_ thief."

_But really, that was ever only the beginning of what she was. And the only people who knew…weren't really in a position to say a damn thing about it._

_  
I run to you,  
(And run away from this hell)  
Call out your name,  
(Giving up, giving in)  
I see you there,  
(Still you are)  
Farther away._

It didn't matter what she did, or where she went.

You can kill people, but you can't ever kill memories._  
_

And they were what haunted her. She'd made the choice, she'd willed it all away…she brought them the death, they deserved, earned—the death that _belonged_ to them…

But she still wasn't free.

Their was still that scent of expensive scotch, and the itching, chafing feeling of rough hands, the voice that made her blood run cold…and the farther she ran from it, the deeper inside herself it dug. It took root in her, seeping through her soul, never letting her forget.

A part of her, always, forever.

Haunting her.

_  
I'm numb to you - numb and deaf and blind.  
You give me all but the reason why.  
I reach but I feel only air at night.  
Not you, not love, just nothing._

It was going to be quick, and it was going to be easy. She was going to take the Colt, and be half a country away before they even realized it was gone.

She was going to play them.

There was an innocence in Sam that she was sure didn't belong in the world they played in. He wasn't someone who should have been a hunter, he believed in the best of people.

She knew better.

It wasn't even that which ruined everything she had planned—that fucked every one of her detailed plans.

Abbie would have liked him, and she hated men. They frightened her, because they were the ones who had the power, the control, and they were the ones who could hurt her.

Seducing him would be easy, she had learned a long time ago that sex was power. Bela held control that way…she was always on top.

But then he asked, _"Are you sure?"_

She was vulnerable then, and in that one small moment…she wanted him to save her. She wanted him.

She wanted to be loved.

"_Bela?"_

And then the moment was gone, and she could think logically again.

I put myself in your hands.

I'm dead.

You can only depend on yourself.

She smiled, "Of course."

_  
I run to you,  
(And run away from this hell)  
Call out your name,  
(Giving up, giving in)  
I see you there,  
(Still you are)  
Farther away._

When she was with him, Abbie snuck up on her. But she pushed her back down, reminding herself, Abbie didn't exist anymore. Abbie wasn't real.

Abbie begged her to trust him, and ask him to save her…but Bela didn't need him. Bela didn't need anyone to save herself…because she took care of herself.

The only person in the world she'd ever depend on was herself.

Try to forget you,

No matter how much she changed, the memories always stayed the same.

It only took three years, and by then she was so lost in a lie she even could believe it sometimes. And the truth was, that was all she wanted.

After three years she barely turned her head when she heard the name, after all, she convinced herself Abbie died in that sad car crash with her parents.

Abbie was scared, and scarred, and had to cry herself to sleep.

That was not Bela Talbot.

Bela wasn't afraid of anyone. Bela was a bitch and the best thief that there was, and she didn't need another god damned person.

She took care of herself, because if there was one thing she'd learned…if you don't take care of yourself no one else is going to.

_  
But without you I feel nothing.  
Don't leave me here, by myself._

The last time, she kissed his cheek before slipping out the door.

It was a rare kiss of sincerity, or maybe it was love.

Hours before he had whispered in her ear that he loved her.

_I love you_

His tone was almost guilty, like he knew his brother would never forgive this indiscretion but he didn't care.

She knew better though, always taking it with a grain of salt. But something deep inside told her that maybe…he could.

She let her lips linger on his cheek as she kissed him good bye.

_I could love you, _she thought, wondering, is dying when you're in love really the best way to go? Or does it just make it hurt that much more?

_I can't breathe.  
I run to you,  
(And run away from this hell)  
Call out your name,  
(Giving up, giving in)  
I see you there,  
(Still you are)  
Farther away.  
_

But no matter how far, how deep down she tried to hide Abbie, she was still there.

When Lilith's hounds came for her, when she gave in and begged Dean to please help her, _to save her, _Abbie cracked above the surface and the façade, Bela, was gone.

She didn't want to, she couldn't be strong anymore…Abbie didn't know how to be strong. All she wanted was for someone to save her.

But even now, at the end, there was still no one to save her.

_  
I run to you,  
(And run away from this hell)  
Call out your name,  
(Giving up, giving in)  
I see you there,  
(Still you are)  
Farther away.  
Farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away,  
farther away._


End file.
